Weekly Review ~ Dec 3rd
Well for the most part a very uneventful week. It was quiet, peaceful and no stress at all. Since my daughter had pretty much cleaned out her room, I finished it up throwing a whole bunch of trash out. Her room is empty except for furniture. The younger two children have taken it over as a playroom since our actual playroom has little heat and it has been very cold here lately. My 4 yr old wants to make it her room, but I am not ready to do that just yet. That would mean it's the end. She's never coming back. I can't face that right now. She calls me almost every day to check in and tell me she loves me.
Something I left out of the last entry was the fact that she is going to visit her dad who lives across the country in a couple of weeks. It was supposed to be for christmas break, but he wants her to stay. I would feel safer with her there, but it's so far I would never get to see her. She would also be very upset at staying, she doesnt want to be that far away either.
I just don't understand why life has to be so damn complicated. I feel like I am choosing my husband over my own child. He has played a very big part in getting our family to this point and is NOT an innocent bystander. In fact, I hold him more accountable because he is the adult and should have known better on many, many occasions. We have been together for almost 7 years now and he has never once shown her any affection or treated her nicely. He has belittled her, been cold to her and treated her like a nuisance. She is not entirely innocent in this either. I never asked her to like him, I only asked her to respect him and not fight with him. She choose to do the opposite. She pushed his buttons and cussed at him, made fun of him while he was drunk (which was funny, but you dont want a child in THAT crossfire!)
I am just not sure I am making the right decision. I am stuck in the middle and to tell you the truth, I miss her. My husband has cut down on his drinking, some. But he kept telling me his drinking was because of her (I never bought that, just an excuse) and now she isnt here, it's just another excuse. In my opinion, the excuse is that he can't deal with real life like an adult, so he chooses to drown himself in alcohol. I feel like I deserve so much better, and my children deserve so much better. I have begged, pleaded and ignored his drinking, I just can't do it anymore.
So, although I am at peace this week, my health is much better and I feel like I am thinking more clearly, I am still confused.
Something I left out of the last entry was the fact that she is going to visit her dad who lives across the country in a couple of weeks. It was supposed to be for christmas break, but he wants her to stay. I would feel safer with her there, but it's so far I would never get to see her. She would also be very upset at staying, she doesnt want to be that far away either.
I just don't understand why life has to be so damn complicated. I feel like I am choosing my husband over my own child. He has played a very big part in getting our family to this point and is NOT an innocent bystander. In fact, I hold him more accountable because he is the adult and should have known better on many, many occasions. We have been together for almost 7 years now and he has never once shown her any affection or treated her nicely. He has belittled her, been cold to her and treated her like a nuisance. She is not entirely innocent in this either. I never asked her to like him, I only asked her to respect him and not fight with him. She choose to do the opposite. She pushed his buttons and cussed at him, made fun of him while he was drunk (which was funny, but you dont want a child in THAT crossfire!)
I am just not sure I am making the right decision. I am stuck in the middle and to tell you the truth, I miss her. My husband has cut down on his drinking, some. But he kept telling me his drinking was because of her (I never bought that, just an excuse) and now she isnt here, it's just another excuse. In my opinion, the excuse is that he can't deal with real life like an adult, so he chooses to drown himself in alcohol. I feel like I deserve so much better, and my children deserve so much better. I have begged, pleaded and ignored his drinking, I just can't do it anymore.
So, although I am at peace this week, my health is much better and I feel like I am thinking more clearly, I am still confused.
posted by Saphire's Realm at 9:58 PM
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