The Line

As a mother, the process of creating life and giving birth has instilled the instict to protect my young. It is only natural to want to protect my children from the outside world, but at some point I began having to protect them from the very people who are supposed to be on their side. I cannot protect them from their peers or even from what happens in their very own minds when they begin to have negative, self-destructive thoughts.

I am finding it difficult to define a line not to cross when it comes to discipline. That line of being the parent and not their friend. The two men I have had in my life think I am not harsh or strict enough with the children. However, I have trouble being strict when I have to protect my children from thier own fathers.

Everything I have read and know about parenting advises that the parents need to present a united front when it comes to the boundaries for the children. I can not be united when I don't agree with the behaviors that I observe from these men. Instead I realize that I am the only stable parent my children have and I have to coddle their self esteem that gets shot down on a daily basis. My children have learned that their fathers are not dependable and there is always something more important to them.

Because of all the years I have spent doing this I just don't have the energy to be strict and consistent. The line I am not supposed to cross has become nothing but a blur. Not only do my children not respect their fathers, they do not respect me for the choices I have made. Sometimes I am so depressed at how my life is and the fact that I do not respect me for the choices I have made, that it is easier to let them get away with things.

Even though I thought I was doing my best at being a good, stable parent, my kids continue to prove to me that it just isn't enough.